My Will and My IPOD

The irony of coming to Cote d’Ivoire is that while so many external things are new, I realize that a big part of what I am here for is to change internally. Almost every missionary I’ve talked to cites spiritual growth as one of the biggest changes they go through.

As I’m only here for 8 months, I realize that my time and abilities are limited. This is a reality but was hard for me when I began to understand this more fully after first arriving - the extent of my limitations. But, as I trust God desires me to be here, serving Him cannot primarily be about what I want.

On the other hand, I believe this is a great opportunity, and have also seen a different light on my role recently. There are some immeasurable things that we will never understand how God measures, I suppose. We have human thinking about attainable goals and expectations, which we try to control and exert our will over. God knows better and refines us in the laying down of our own ambitions, in so many ways.

I read a quote for July 1st from a little calendar in the pharmacy. It struck me because it is something I recently thought and prayed about intensively. It says, “The case with true believers in Christ is that they frequently find their will more or less exalting itself against the will of God.” (Spirit Refreshers, text from Renew My Heart by John Wesley and Show Me Your Love by Barbour Publishing) These words pricked my heart. For so long now, I have struggled with God, shallowly thinking I have laid down my own ambitions. The reality is that I have not truly laid them all down. I still have them, and while it is human, it is not God’s best for me.

As I’m studying Jeremiah, two things that stand out are that God called him to be single through a challenging call in his life to be God’s weeping prophet to Judah. The second thing that stood out to me was this verse in chapter 10:23, “I know, O Lord, that a man’s way is not in himself, Nor is it in a man who walks to direct his steps.“. It was something I turned over and over, wondering if this answers my question of whether God gives us choices or molds us into what we are to be. Although I don’t dare claim an answer on such a complex subject, I tend to believe that God desires us to passionately seek His will at every step, as an act of worship and surrender to Him.

On another note, my IPOD and speakers were stolen out of the house I’m living in today. While it is certainly not a happy event, I also realize God knows what happened to it and even permitted it to happen. He knows who did it, and though annoying and a sense of personal invasion that is a bit disturbing, no physical harm was done to me. Prayers would be appreciated to help me get over this unfortunate incident as it does shake one’s trust in the people around you. I enjoy music a lot so it is more the loss of a modern technology to listen to music that saddens me.

C’est un peu triste, mais c’est la vie!